The Let Them Theory

January 6, 2025
Readers should put the energy they waste worrying about others’ opinions toward leading more empowered lives, according to this upbeat guide. Motivational speaker Robbins (The High 5 Habit) outlines how accepting others for who they are and focusing instead on the actions one can take to improve things—what she calls the “let them/let me” method—helps reveal what’s within one’s control and how to manage one’s actions accordingly. Those dealing with difficult family members, for example, should avoid trying to change their opinions (“Let your dad be your dad”) and focus on building the “kind of relationship I want” with them, “based on the kind of person I want to be.” Similarly, those struggling with the tendency to compare themselves to others should recognize that harping on someone else’s advantages drains motivation for changing one's own life. In down-to-earth prose, the author lucidly distinguishes her theory from simply “letting go,” noting that “accepting the reality of your situation doesn’t mean you’re surrendering to it” but rather releasing “control you never had.” Robbins’s fans will want to snap this up.

February 15, 2025
A sensible self-help guide that counsels giving other people leeway to do as they will while taking care of oneself. It's not indifference that drives Robbins to counsel letting go of things beyond one's control, but instead acknowledgment that, as Buddhists say, "suffering comes from resisting reality." The reality of the world is that everyone wants to rule it: We crave control, but that control is illusory, and people will for the most part do whatever they want.Let them, Robbins counsels in her frequently voiced mantra: "When you stop managing everyone else," she holds, "you'll realize you have a lot more power than you thought--you've just unknowingly been giving it away." Neither is it indifference to stop caring what others think, Robbins suggests, but you can of course model such good behavior that you don't deserve another's negative opinion. Some of Robbins' advice is easy enough to adopt, such as her inspired "5 Second Rule," counting backward from 5 before launching into an activity that one might not want to do, like paying the bills. Other strategies require of readers the patience of a saint, as when, instead of raising a stink when a fellow airplane passenger refuses to cover his mouth as he coughs and wheezes, she covers her mouth and nose with a scarf and puts on headphones. "Problem solved," she writes, adding that the corollary toLet them isLet me, as inLet me adjust my behavior to cover what I can actually control. Robbins tours through a host of situations, from breaking up with a bad friend to interrogating yourself about why you're upset about something, with sometimes surprising answers that often boil down to simple solutions, such as "Stop choosing to chase people who clearly do not want to be with you." A truly helpful treatise on seeing others as they are, and letting that be.

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